Along with millions of others, I’ve been glued to the television watching the Olympics. Besides the half-pipe, my secret pleasure is ice dancing. I was thrilled to see Meryl Davis and Charlie White win gold. As I followed every twist, dip and turn, each side-by-side so dangerously close together, all I could think of was the total trust they obviously had in each other.
Later, I went online to view a video about them entitled, Training and Trust. It takes years of training to perfect what they do, and as many years to build the trust that they have for each other. But the years of training have allowed them to build that trust.
What is trust, anyway? It is the belief that “I am safe. You are safe. The world of us is safe.”
No relationship, athletic in nature or not, can survive without trust. Once it is broken, it is virtually impossible to restore without years of rebuilding it. Can it be rebuilt? Yes, if the one who has broken the trust is reliable, consistent, responsive and comforting.
What is trust, anyway? It is the belief that “I am safe. You are safe. The world of us is safe.”
No relationship, athletic in nature or not, can survive without trust. Once it is broken, it is virtually impossible to restore without years of rebuilding it. Can it be rebuilt? Yes, if the one who has broken the trust is reliable, consistent, responsive and comforting.
Here are 8 guidelines loosely based on Sheri Meyers’ book, Chatting or Cheating, to help rebuild trust. While the book primarily deals with healing romantic partnerships, the guidelines can be applied to any relationship.
• Live up to your word – call when you say you will – show up when you say you will.
• Allow your significant other time and space to vent. This means answering many questions, allowing judgment and rage aimed at you while you stand strong and apologize and reach out with compassion and understanding.
• Do what you can do to change the situation and make it better.
• Accept that there will be inevitable bumps, obstacles, and setbacks. Have a plan in place to help you stay calm and centered while you navigate through the ups and downs rather than being shocked and overreacting.
• Take full responsibility for your actions and choices and determine how you won’t make the same mistakes again.
• No lies, no excuses, no exceptions. Keep your promises. Maintain unwavering integrity.
• Show affection, attention and appreciation every day in big and small ways.
• When the relationship gets stuck or starts to struggle, ask yourself, “How would love respond?” Tell the other person how much he or she means to you and how sorry you are for the pain you caused. Assure with “We will get through this.” Repeat as necessary.
Meyers is a relationship therapist with more than 20 years of experience. She asserts that the road back from distrust to trust takes perseverance, patience, commitment and time. Once you come to grips with it, the more successful you will be with healing the relationship. When you think about it, these guidelines work for maintaining trust and not just rebuilding it.
Til Next Time,
Carol
• Live up to your word – call when you say you will – show up when you say you will.
• Allow your significant other time and space to vent. This means answering many questions, allowing judgment and rage aimed at you while you stand strong and apologize and reach out with compassion and understanding.
• Do what you can do to change the situation and make it better.
• Accept that there will be inevitable bumps, obstacles, and setbacks. Have a plan in place to help you stay calm and centered while you navigate through the ups and downs rather than being shocked and overreacting.
• Take full responsibility for your actions and choices and determine how you won’t make the same mistakes again.
• No lies, no excuses, no exceptions. Keep your promises. Maintain unwavering integrity.
• Show affection, attention and appreciation every day in big and small ways.
• When the relationship gets stuck or starts to struggle, ask yourself, “How would love respond?” Tell the other person how much he or she means to you and how sorry you are for the pain you caused. Assure with “We will get through this.” Repeat as necessary.
Meyers is a relationship therapist with more than 20 years of experience. She asserts that the road back from distrust to trust takes perseverance, patience, commitment and time. Once you come to grips with it, the more successful you will be with healing the relationship. When you think about it, these guidelines work for maintaining trust and not just rebuilding it.
Til Next Time,
Carol
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