Not long ago, a young friend of mine asked me what lesson I had learned from my lifetime of experience. I didn't even have to think about my answer. I told her that the biggest lesson I had learned was that "change" was a constant in my life. Just as I settle in with something, it changes. Such it is with clients, work, riding dressage, life in general, and particularly relationships.

Relationships are always beginning, ending or growing in some way. People pass through our lives for a variety of reasons, but, they are all here to teach us something. When we have learned the lesson each has to teach us, they move on. That premise was put for in the book, The Celestine Prophesy, and I believe it because it has been so in my life.

I'm not writing this because some earth-shattering change has recently occurred to me personally. What I am interested in, rather than beginning or ending relationships, is the way they "grow," which is in essence the way they "change."

I just read a very interesting article by Terence Stone entitled, "Growing Together, Not Apart." In it, Stone talks about how he and his wife gradually drifted away from each other over several years of marriage. They struggled, but their relationship wasn't working. They turned to counseling, and Stone bottom-lined the results in a single paragraph:

"Ultimately, what we learned was that if there was to be communication, we had to speak and listen to one another with intense presence, honesty, patience, and compassion. And above all, we realized that we had to accept that our relationship was changing, that it needed to change."

Such an important lesson. Sometimes relationships change because they need to change. If you are like me and hate change, you sometimes rail against it. But, don't. I've learned in my lifetime that when change is inevitable, you need to go with the flow and be willing to change. To paraphrase Stone, when we resist, we lose the opportunity to grow. When we resist, we create a recipe for resentment, anger, and ultimately, apathy. We will never reach perfection, but we can remember that living and loving is changing and growing. Resist all you want, but change is inevitable. Growth only happens when we choose to embrace change one moment at a time.

​Til Next Time,
​Carol

From dust to dust... I've often heard that we're just stardust. We came from it, and that's where we'll return. It's a pretty heavy-duty topic when you think about it, but it started nagging me this morning and wouldn't leave me alone.

If we are stardust, then doesn't that mean that we're all connected? If that's the case, why are we isolated inside these singular vessels we call our bodies? Why do we live in isolation, only to connect when we truly "attach" to others through friendships, associations and relationships? 

Right now, Mark is traveling, and my sole companions are my furbabies. But, when they are sleeping or playing outside, I feel this introspective isolation. And, it can be lonely. I think that's why I fill my head with stories - all kinds of stories - most of them beyond the realm of reality... ones that focus on beings that live for eternities and are heavily connected spiritually, mentally and through blood. That doesn't mean that I wish I were a vampire, but I love writing about them because they break all the rules of reality, except in the very end, when they, too, become stardust.

I think the relationships in our lives are so important because we tuly do want to be connected... to get back to being mingled with and connected to the stardust from which we came. 

I hope I'm not freaking you out with morbid thoughts. They aren't meant to be dark thoughts. I mean, isn't it comforting to know that we are all really connected? Unfortunately, our human existence doesn't allow most of us to not feel isolated from others. We are the only ones living inside our heads. That's why relationships matter so much.

Take the time to take care of them, grow and nurture them and give them your all when you can. Never be afraid to tell people you love them and show them, through your actions, how important they are to you. If you don't, they may have returned to  stardust before you can.

Til Next Time,
​Carol

I am endlessly fascinated with the personalities of dogs. Like people, each one is different; each unique. What is even more interesting is the interplay among the furry creatures at our house.

We are currently honored to have three permanent dogs and a variety of visiting and foster dogs at our home. As most of you know, I'm really into animal rescue. Working as a foster has availed my husband Mark and me with the opportunity to meet and spend time with hundreds of dogs. And, it's amazing how their behavior reflects that of humans - their personalities and reactions to a variety of situations.

I have to begin with Neo, our Labradoodle. Neo is the penultimate of dogs. Handsome, confident, intelligent, his strong, assertive personality rules the roost. He doesn't tolerate any breech in protocol. What that means is that Mark is his Alpha, and in Mark's absence, I am his Alpha by default. Everyone else falls in line behind him. And, he won't hesitate to let them know when they get out of line. He's a massive dog, so his strength is never questioned. But, it's more his "inner presence" that makes him the lead dog. He's the definition of a born leader.

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Then, there's Thor. Thor is the life of the party. He's the one that turns everything into fun. He's all about play and good times and never about trying to dominant others (except at dinnertime when he becomes quite the hog - probably because he never stops moving and needs the fuel.) He's the one that pulls even the most retiring dog out of his or her shell. He's the one that gets everyone excited, into the moment and enjoying life. You know people like that, don't you?

And, then there's Ty. Except for when he talks like a typical Husky, he's quiet and stealthy. He moves more like a cat than a dog. He has these soulful eyes that seem to look right into your heart. He loves to cuddle, and whenever we sit down, he is close by. He has this steady presence, but he is definitely a follower. He looks to others for reassurance in what to do next. He wants no responsibility except to be true to himself. He's independent but kind and affectionate. Like a cat, he's standoffish when he wishes to be and snuggles when he is in need of reassurance. He reminds me of someone who doesn't like commitments but needs relationships. Know anyone like that?

Then, there's Sweetie, a Pit Bull foster. She's an old lady set in her ways. She loves people but only likes some of the dogs. She's selective in her associations and is pretty much caught up in her own world. She likes long naps, food and rolling in the grass in the front yard. Thor and Neo are her two favorites, and she just tolerates everyone else. She reminds me of my mother-in-law!

Princess is my mother-in-law's dog who stays with us on occasion. She a little Min-Pin and is very nervous. She barks and makes a lot of noise, and she's all about how much she can get all of the time - whether it's food, attention or otherwise! She often competes for attention with the other dogs, often becoming too aggressive, at which point she has to be scolded. 

Other foster dogs have been extreme in their personalities. One was so fearful all he would do is sit in a corner and shake, afraid of life. Another had eternal exuberance and such a joy for life that he endeared himself to us forever. He still comes to visit. (BTW, he became Thor's best pal. Makes sense, right?) Others have found it easiest to be aggressive and bully their way through life. But all of them came around to settling down because they responded to the calm, quiet but assertive demeanor that we project in our home. 

So where am I going with all of this? Like I said in the beginning, I find the interplay between dogs to be as fascinating as that of the people that surround me. So many of the adopted rescue dogs that visit our home with their owners are reflections of their human owners. Nervous dogs have nervous parents; calm, assertive dogs mirror their owners; aggressive, assertive dogs are the product of their people's actions. This even extends to the differences in behavior when Mark is home and I am here alone with them. His quiet, calm but assertive personality immediately puts all of the dogs in "Beta Mode." My more serious female personality puts them more into "protect mode." It's an interesting correlation.

It's amazing to me how our animals mirror who we actually are and not always who we think we are, isn't it? Have you had a similar experience? If you have, wish you would share it.

Til Next Time,
​Carol 

I thought this article so interesting, because it's about capturing and retaining relationships, and it's written from the POV of a man. My friend and associate, John Daly, has graciously consented to my sharing it with you. -Carol

My curiosity recently got the better of me. I went on a search to see what etiquette book is No. 1 on the Amazon hit list. To say I was initially shocked at what I discovered is an understatement. However, when I examined the content more closely, it makes perfect sense.The name of the book is Make Him BEG For Your Attention: 75 Communication Secrets For Captivating Men To Get The Love And Commitment You Deserve and the author is Bruce Bryans.

And, please, this isn’t an infomercial or an endorsement for the book. However, while examining the book, my brain started to whirl, because the “secret” Bryans unveils isn’t just something that only women can use. Everyone can use this info to attract others.

Part of being successful is having other people want to “listen to you” and “to hear what you have to say with an open mind.” Who doesn’t want to have others crave your attention?

According to Bryans, being irresistible can come from within and not just from your looks. It’s the ability to keep someone captivated. It’s called “graceful communication.”

How many times have you been shut out or shut down during a conflict? Do you know why you’ve lost the battle? It’s because you didn’t communicate respectfully. Bryans says if you want a man to listen to you without ignoring you or losing his temper, learn to talk “mangracefully.”

That means that if a man doesn’t feel respected when you speak or write to him, you won’t be able to connect with him on any level, particularly on an intimate level. And, without that intimate connection, nothing you can say or do will keep him interested in you.

As a man, I totally understand this. A man needs to feel emotionally secure with a woman. If the woman fails to communicate respectfully, the man won’t feel comfortable sharing his whole heart with her.

And, to gain any man’s loyalty and undivided attention, why won’t this work for anyone — woman or man? It’s important to know exactly what to say and when to say it and how to say it to get what you want.

Men enjoy being gracefully influenced by the women they adore. This means being able to tell someone exactly what’s on your mind without shutting him down, learning how to ask for what you want and making the other person happy to give it to you, discovering how to have a difficult conversation without making him resent or resist, and knowing how to get the other person to open up to you.

This means don’t criticize, avoid the dreaded “we need to talk” comment,  not attacking his ego, not bringing up past faults, not making hostile facial expressions, and being reasonable, just to name a few.

Much of this is just common sense, but, unfortunately, when emotions take over, much of this advice (that you know is critical to understand) flies right out the window.

So, while this isn’t a commercial for this book, I do think that it’s one that I will read from cover to cover. I think anyone who cares about their relationships should read it as well. There’s a reason it’s the No. 1 book in the etiquette category. It’s something that we all need to study and embrace.

At The Key Class, we always stress the importance of treating others with great respect. Graceful communication is as important in the workplace as it is in personal relationships. Knowing how to persuade, garner loyalty, create trust and instilling a feeling of security with others is paramount in all your relationships — whether they be at the office, in relationships or just everyday interaction with others.

It’s a “graceful” way to find success and happiness. Don’t you agree?

I certainly agree with John. I've tried this in my own personal life, and it works. Do you have experiences or concerns that you'd like to share on the subject? Just comment below!

Til Next Time,
Carol
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— John Daly is the founder and president of The Key Class, the keys to life skills success. Click to learn more about The Key Class. John’s new book, 74 Key Life Skills for a Happy, Successful Life, is available on Amazon. Click here to receive a FREE eBook copy of The Key Class. Do you have a question about business or social etiquette? Ask John at [email protected]. Connect with The Key Class on Facebook and follow John on Twitter @johnjdalyjr.