I find myself feeling quite ill today. I have gone through the motions of work, but my creativity drained away as the hours ticked by.

Then, I came across this photo, and I knew what I needed to do for the rest of the day. I will surround myself with soulful eyes, warm fur and the silent love of my dogs. And then, I will be healed.

Til Next Time,
Carol

I love WebMD. I can find the answers to all sorts of problems on it. Today I was reading about the top relationship problems and what to do about them. I’m not including them all; just the ones with which I have had personal experience.

1.    Communication

This is the biggie. If you can’t communicate, you’re in big time trouble. Does your partner sit with you flipping through text, email or Facebook on the old cellphone? Mine does. Drives me nuts. And do you really think that watching TV is actually being together? Well, if you are exhausted and just want to press up against each other, cuddle and watch something you both enjoy, then more power to you. But, if you have truly lost the inability to communicate, here’s what WebMD suggests.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Make an actual appointment with each other. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voice mail pick up your calls.
• If you can't "communicate" without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you'd be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.
• Set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking, or ban phrases such as "You always ..." or "You never ...."
• Use body language to show you're listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. For instance, say, "What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home, even though we're both working." If you're right, the other can confirm. If what the other person really meant was, "Hey, you're a slob and you create more work for me by having to pick up after you," he or she can say so, but in a nicer way.

2.    Money

My guy and I have been rich and we’ve been broke. Rich is better. Let’s face it, the economy since 2002 has been shaky. All of us have had it rough. It can cause stress and tension in both male and female. From my experience, it’s created a lot of stress. We’ve used or tried to deal with all of the strategies below.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic.
• Don't approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you.
• Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other's tendencies.
• Don't hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.
• Don't blame.
• Construct a joint budget that includes savings.
• Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.
• Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.
• Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It's OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.
• Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if needed.

3. Not Making Your Relationship a Priority

Honestly, I think a lot of us fall into this trap. It’s easy to do in a world where everyone has to work really hard just to make ends meet. But, it’s critical to try and keep the magic in your relationship.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Do the things you used to do when you were first dating: Show appreciation, compliment each other, contact each other through the day, and show interest in each other.
• Plan date nights. Schedule time together on the calendar just as you would any other important event in your life.
• Respect one another. Say "thank you," and "I appreciate..." It lets your partner know that he or she matters.
  

4.    Conflict

Groundhog Day with Bill Murray is one of our favorite movies. But, no one wants to live the same thing over and over again. Particularly where conflict is involved. When there is conflict, use the strategies below to resolve it.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Realize you are not a victim. It is your choice whether you react and how you react.
• Be honest with yourself. When you're in the midst of an argument, are your comments geared toward resolving the conflict, or are you looking for payback? If your comments are blaming and hurtful, it's best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.
• Change it up. If you continue to respond in the way that's brought you pain and unhappiness in the past, you can't expect a different result this time. Just one little shift can make a big difference. If you usually jump right in to defend yourself before your partner is finished speaking, hold off for a few moments. You'll be surprised at how such a small shift in tempo can change the whole tone of an argument.
• Give a little; get a lot. Apologize when you're wrong. Sure it's tough, but just try it and watch something wonderful happen.
• Remember that you are the one responsible for your behavior.

5.    Trust

This one is so much the key to everything else. Really. I was able to heal old wounds from another relationship because my husband created so much trust in our relationship. Pay careful attention to this.

Problem-solving strategies:

You and your partner can develop trust in each other by following these tips.

• Be consistent.
• Be on time.
• Do what you say you will do.
• Don't lie -- not even little white lies to your partner or to others.
• Be fair, even in an argument.
• Be sensitive to the other's feelings. You can still disagree, but don't discount how your partner is feeling.
• Call when you say you will.
• Call to say you'll be home late.
• Carry your fair share of the workload.
• Don't overreact when things go wrong.
• Never say things you can't take back.
• Don't dig up old wounds.
• Respect your partner's boundaries.
• Don’t be jealous.
• Be a good listener.

Relationship by “mind-reading” doesn’t work. Always tell your partner specifically what you need.

Interject humor into your relationship. Don’t always take everything so seriously. Learn to relax with each other, joke with each other, and always be kind.

If you are willing to take a look at your relationship and what it needs on a periodic basis, it will remain healthy. Address the problems as they arise. Don’t sweep them under the rug. And, like I said in a previous article, don’t go to bed angry with each other! Always be prepared to take your fair share of a misunderstanding. Trust me, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Maintain that lawn, and it will always be beautiful.

Problem-solving strategies pulled from http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/7-relationship-problems-how-solve-them.

 

It's 9/11, and I will never forget. It has been 13 years since the towers in New York City came crashing down. Can we ever forget the devastating loss of lives suffered that day in New York, at the Pentagon in Washington, D.C. or the field in Pennsylvania?

It breaks my heart to think that numerous loved ones will never have the chance to grow old together, watch their children grow up or their grandchildren being born. Like us, they will never have the chance to show their unconditional love to family and friends. They'll never have the chance to support loved ones during hard times or illness.  They'll never have the chance to take the good with the bad, give their loyalty and friendship to others.

But WE  have that chance. Never forget. Don't squander those chances. Don't let petty issues draw you away from those you love. Remember that  you have been given the chance to be here for those important in your life. Others have not.

So never forget how very fortunate you are, and make the most out of life by loving and being loved. Nothing else really matters, does it?

Til Next Time,
Carol

I wrote this article 19 months ago. As I go into the Southern California Dressage Championships with my horse, I find that I need to revisit it. It is a noteworthy reminder for all of us.

Do or do not ... there is no try. Famous words from Yoda of Star Wars fame. I used to think I knew what that meant until I had my Listerine moment. What the heck is a Listerine moment, you ask?

I’ve always struggled opening “child-proof” Listerine bottle tops…or any bottle top for that matter. I’ve harbored this perception that I'm a physically weak person, until two months ago. I believed that I couldn’t get any jar or bottle open or safely pick up heavy items. To make matters worse, I’ve been a classical dressage rider for 14 years. That’s where the rider literally “dances” with the horse. It takes a lot of strength to sit up there and, through subtle movements, make a 1,300-pound horse do whatever you ask. And, in some instances, the strength difficulty factor blocked me from progressing.

So what happened to change that?

Simple, I had my Listerine moment. I was standing at the bathroom sink staring at the Listerine bottle. I took a deep breath, grabbed the top, pushed in the tabs on each side and twisted. Nothing. Suddenly it hit me. I’m trying, not doing. I can do this. Push past the initial resistance and open the damn bottle.

I shook my head and took a step backward. Then I marched forward, picked up the bottle, pushed and twisted the cap and off it came! The light bulbs exploded in my head. My mind had been holding my body back.

It didn’t stop there. I applied it to everything I’ve been doing. Those difficult dressage movements were mastered. Peanut butter jars were a piece of cake. I picked up heavy-duty items I had often not even attempted. The list goes on.

While my Listerine moment was applicable to my physical strength, yours might be something different. A project you can’t push through? Something you’ve always wanted to try but been afraid to attempt? Meeting that special person?

Whatever it is, just remember this simple rule: You can if you believe you can! 

Until next time!