According to the AskMen.com Great Male Survey 2009 Edition and Yahoo! Shine Great Female Survey 2009 Edition, a sense of loyalty is the most important personality trait making a man/woman “relationship material.” For men, a sense of loyalty (32%) outranked a sense of caring/nurturing (24%) and intelligence (21%). For women, loyalty (34%) outranked nurturing (31%), a sense of humor (22%), and intelligence (10%).  (Source: examiner.com)

By definition, loyalty is faithfulness or devotion to a person or other entity. Because we live in a world where selfishness seems to be the norm, one of the most honorable characteristic a person should develop is loyalty, for loved ones, an organization or job.

I went looking online for the qualities of being a loyal person and found them at  http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Loyal. I wanted to share them with you because I think loyalty is a vital component to any relationship, as proven by the statistics above.

1.      Understand what being loyal means. You must be willing to allow your own interests to take second place to be truly loyal to another person or cause. Loyalty is simply the act of putting someone or something else ahead of self.

2.      Be willing to sacrifice. Being loyal in a patriot sense, as in loyal to one's country, has placed millions in harm's way in wars throughout history. The people who serve in the modern military are loyal to their nation, its flag, and the purpose they serve for. Being loyal to a friend or your own family can also require sacrifice.

3.      Take time to look at the needs of whomever will have your loyalty. To take steps of loyalty, you need to recognize that it is a deliberate effort, and to be truly loyal to someone, you have to be willing to invest yourself, your time and energy in them.

4.      Ask yourself if what or who you are offering your loyalty to is worthy of the investment. Is the person or organization who asks for your loyalty worthwhile? Depending on what philosophy or religion you may follow, you might find guidance there. In the Judeo-Christian religion, the order of loyalty may be summed up as "God, Family, and Country," putting loyalty to God first, then family, and finally, country.

5.      Consider the benefits of loyalty. This may be most obvious in the case of employment. Being a loyal employee often creates its own rewards, with increases in pay, job security, and respect from your employer. Being a loyal employer, who is willing to look after your employees, will give them incentive to be more dedicated and productive for you.

But what are the benefits of being loyal to another person, even when it means standing alone with that person? When it is detrimental to you, it’s important to weigh the risks. As in the case of Luke’s Tale, Luke was loyal to Ashlundt and Sara, no matter what the circumstances. Luke is a pure example of loyalty backed up by unconditional love.

What are your thoughts on loyalty? Til next time,

Carol

Hi  Everybody!

I am excited to tell you that my book, Luke's Tale, is featured on www.BookGiftGuide.com as a Holiday gift pick this season. You can see my book here: http://www.bookgiftguide.com/literary-fiction. I would very much appreciate it if you could take a minute to check out my book, and share this link with your friends and family. Thanks!

All the Best,
Carol

Do you ever feel like there’s a dragon living with you? On occasion one lives with me. For the most part, he’s a sweet dragon, but every now and then the red beast raises his head and spews fire at me. So, here’s what I’ve learned to do when my not-so-sweet dragon shows up. I remind him of my rules.



Rules My Dragon Needs to Obey:

·        Don’t take your bad mood out on me.

·        Don’t hold your anger or let small things build up until you explode over something that leaves me wondering.

·        Don’t always have to be “right” about everything. Pick your battles. Let other people win once and awhile.

·        Don’t act like the world only revolves around you. Egocentric behavior is a real turn off, particularly to me.

·        Listen to what I have to tell you. Don’t make it obvious that my words are going in one ear and out the other. Have you heard the stories about Bill Clinton? Women adore him because he makes them feel like the only person in the room when he talks with them.

·        Respect me.

·        Don’t forget to say “I love you” often.

That’s not everything, but it’s a great start and a lot for your dragon to remember when he is trying to get himself under control.

Til next time,
Carol

-By Guest Blogger, John Daly

The boss raises his voice and loses his temper. A coworker is unsupportive of your requests. A client uses her authority as a push factor to get things done. A manager is continually disrespectful. These are tough situations. How should you handle them?

 Why Are People Rude?

First, let’s look at some of the reasons why people are rude. It’s much easier for people to be rude over the phone, on the Internet or over email. Why? Because rude people often feel disconnected from others. That’s why they lose it over petty things that won’t matter in the next hour. Because they feel disconnected, in their minds, they have no reason to change that feeling. And when they are face-to-face with you, they have no idea why they should behave differently. While the golden rule should always apply, it often doesn’t.

People often are rude because they are having a bad day, and misery loves company. Always remember that it is not your fault. Sometimes you can divert that bad mood by remaining calm and joking about something small. This often brings out the rude person’s need to vent, and in that case, you should just listen. This means overlooking the rudeness and just talking to them. Perhaps they don’t have anyone else they can talk to, and you might just leave them feeling better.

Some people want to intimidate you into submission to appear stronger. It’s the bully syndrome. Bullies are weak on the inside but don’t want to show it. These are disconnected people. If you face them head-on, they often back down. This doesn’t mean you become the bully, but rather that you face their behavior with them. The method is to “State, Inform and Request.”

Famous people like Simon Cowell have built their celebrity on being rude. Watching rude celebrities has become a national pastime. Again, these people are not connected with other people and only have an inflated sense of self. If we stop supporting the rude behavior of celebrities, they’ll get the message. The same goes for people at work or in business who are chronic about rudeness. Stop enabling them.

 

4 Keys to Handling a Rude Co-worker

 1. Don’t lose your cool and don’t take it personally.

 2. At the first occurrence, give the benefit of the doubt – try to cheer them up or be a good listener.

 3 Take it away from others; suggest grabbing a cup of coffee to discuss the issue privately to clear the air. If the person refuses to take it out of the workplace, say, “I can only imagine how frustrated you must be with this situation. Would you be willing to speak to me about it so I know how better to fulfill your expectations?” When you give angry people empathy, you take away their armor. You infer that their rude behavior is not who they truly are.

 4 If your authority or position is challenged, take the opportunity to privately get to the bottom of the issue. Say, “I can see you are terribly upset. Would you be willing to share with me what is bothering you so I can understand more fully how I might help you?

 What if It Is the Boss?

If the boss explodes at you, remain calm and respectful. Always give him the benefit of the doubt. Look him or her in the eye and request a meeting to discuss the issue. When you meet, ask the same question addressed in Point #4 above. Consider this hypothetical situation. You ask the question, and your boss confides that his wife is pregnant and is having extreme morning sickness every day. This makes him late. When he arrives, you are having a cup of coffee and chatting with co-workers. It irritates him. Once you have this knowledge, you will understand that his rudeness has nothing to do with you, but you can do something that will improve his mood. An example would be to buy a sweet roll and put it on his desk when he arrives while saying, “I hope this gives you a sweeter day.” This will take the wind out of his sails.

 I have used these techniques, and they have worked extremely well for me.

John Daly is the founder and president of The Key Class, the go-to guide for job search success. To learn more about The Key Class or get  information on Thursday night classes in Santa Barbara, go to www.thekeyclass.com. To get John’s book, click The Key Class.