How can you tell at the beginning of a relationship if the other person is being genuine with you? How can you determine if that person is “being himself or herself?”
Oftentimes, body language will tell you more than words. Does the person look you in the eye when talking to you? When you ask the person his or her opinion or to do something for you, does that person seem evasive and “walk around the issue?”

The following tips have always worked for me. A genuine person or friend:

·       accepts you for who you are.

·       always has your back in tough situations and is always there for you to lean on.

·       does not talk about you behind your back, or steal things from you, or lie to you - no matter how nice he or she seems.

·       makes a commitment to the relationship even when it isn’t perfect.

·       won’t betray you.

·       is always there for you.

·       will try to include you in everything.

Here are some other “detectors” to decide if someone is genuine.

1.     Listen to what a person says. A genuine friend makes you feel needed, confident and better about yourself when you are with him or her. This means encouraging you, not putting you down. Genuine friends aren’t afraid to compliment you. A real friend always is cheering for you to succeed, no matter what.

2.     A genuine friend takes the time to listen to what you have to say. If the relationship is one-sided, and the other person is always talking about his or her problems and bored when it is your time to share, then you have a problem. So notice how he or she reacts when it is your time to share. Does the person maintain eye contact or look around the room and check for cell phone messages while you are pouring out your heart? See if your friend remembers what you shared. If not, that person wasn’t listening to you. If you are always the one listening, then the relationship is definitely one-sided.

3.     If you are on the same level with your friend, you both should be open about your thoughts and feelings and keep an open dialogue. But, if you are not comfortable sharing your feelings for fear he or she will disapprove, the lines of communication aren’t open. If you feel that your friend isn’t being open with you but is with others, then, again, there is a problem with the relationship. When one of you hurts the other’s feelings, being able to express the hurt and talk through it is critical. If you are unable to express that hurt because you think you might lose the friendship, then you again have a problem.

4.     Steer away from people who are gossips. Don’t kid yourself that this person isn’t gossiping about you when you are not around.

5.     Actions speak louder than words. Does your friend make time for you no matter what? This means taking the time to make and keep appointments with you. If your friend is too busy for you, that’s a problem. Particularly if that person has time for others.

6.     The relationship should be 50//50. It should be filled with shared affection and support. This definitely means “if I scratch your back, you will scratch mine.” Did you take chicken soup to your friend when he or she was sick? Did your friend reciprocate in some way when you twisted your ankle and had to spend a week on the couch? Do you make the same effort to talk, hang out or get in touch with each other?

7.     If your friend doesn’t stick to his or her word and leaves you high and dry at times, then you have a flake, not a friend.

8.     Take the time to do some soul-searching on why the other person might want to befriend you. Does that person value you as a person or is there an ulterior motive? What might be the person’s ulterior motive? Do you provide some type of convenience for that person (like a ride to work)? Are you more popular than your friend, and you are a way into your circle of popularity?)

9.     Does your friend make you feel good about yourself? You should feel better about yourself when you are with that person.  Does the person make you laugh and feel good or feel worse about yourself? Does he or she sympathize with you over your bad decisions? Or does your friend put you down with snide comments about your actions or appearance. Which do you think is genuine? If the other person makes you less happy when you are around him or her, then you should have a problem with that individual.

10.  Does your friend express gratitude for the things you do for him or her on a regular basis? Does the person value your opinions or disregards them? This is the way to determine if your friend makes you feel valuable.

While no relationship is perfect, use these pointers as guidelines to evaluate whether another person is genuine and truly has your best interests at heart. And, don’t forget your own “gut” instinct. We often ignore it and live to regret it.

Til Next Time,
Carol

Mark and I made a promise to each other at the beginning of our relationship. "We will never go to bed angry with each other." We thought it better to stay up and duke it out than spend a sleepless night thinking about what caused it in the first place.

In our 40 years together, we've broken that rule only once. And, it was a horrible, miserable night for both of us. We re-promised to never do that again.

I read once about a husband and wife who made the same promise, and the one time they broke it ended in devastation. After years of wonderful memories together, they had an argument that escalated throughout the day.  So much so that they broke the angry-to-bed rule from which they never recovered. When the wife awoke that morning, she discovered that the love of her life had died in his sleep. She spent the ensuing years wondering if it had been their argument and failure to resolve it that caused the massive heart attack that killed him in his sleep at the age of 48.

I thank God that our one time of breaking this hard-and-fast rule didn't deny me the chance to make up with Mark and continue our long love affair.

So, for the sake of your relationship, make the promise never to go to bed angry. Then stick to it. We never know how much time life will give us together. Don't do anything that will make you live with regret.

Til Next Time,
Carol

I absolutely love this article by fellow-author, friend and associate, John Daly. How we make others feel says so much about who we are as a person. Don't you agree? John agreed to let me share his thoughts (and ultimately what I believe) with you. -Carol

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -Maya Angelou

So, how do you make others feel? Do you ask them rude, none-of-their business questions? Do ignore them when they are speaking to you? Do you criticize their appearance or behavior? 

OR

Do you smile at them, repeat back what they’ve said to you, help them when they need it, and focus on the positives instead of the negatives?

If you do the latter, then you are a considerate person who makes others feel really good about themselves when they are around you.

5 Ways to Make Others Feel Great

Dale Partridge of The Daily Positive offers 5 ways to make the people around you feel great. You might say he is preaching etiquette. I say he’s being considerate of others.

·       Put Your Stuff Away – Don’t ever have your phone or computer out while in a conversation.

·       Use a Person’s Name in Conversation – This requires you remember it when they tell you

·       Ask Them to Teach you Something – Everyone has something to offer, let them shine.

·       Be Authentically Interested – Lean in, keep eye contact, and listen way more than you talk.

·       Shine the Spotlight on Them – In group settings, share someone’s talent, a good story about them, or what you like about them.

It is fairly basic behavior, but you would be amazed at how many people don’t consider how they make others feel around them. Think about it.

Words of Wisdom from the great Brian Tracy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PURfoGn4yw

For more about Dale Partridge, visit:
http://dalepartridge.com/make-others-feel-says-lot/#sthash.PlfD4Dlt.dpuf

John Daly is the founder and president of The Key Class, the go-to guide for job search success. To learn more about The Key Class, go to www.thekeyclass.com. To get John’s book, click The Key Class.

Follow John on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/thekeyclass and Twitter @johnjdalyjr.

What the heck is a “snark?” 

The urban dictionary classifies “snark” as a noun that combines “snide” and “remark.” In other words, snarks are sarcastic or malicious comments. The word can also be used as an adjective, “snarky,” or an adverb, “snarkily.” For example: “Your boundless ineptitude is astounding," she snarkily declared.

I’m focused on this because a relatively good friend of mine got snarky with me the other day. That’s right! Out of the blue she attacked me with one sarcastic (almost mean) comment after another.

Stunned, I didn’t respond to any of her comments. Basically, it’s not in my nature to be mean to anyone (unless provoked with malice). I stacked it up to her having a bad day. Generally, when someone you know well attacks you for no reason, it’s more about that person than you. Normally, that person is angry about something else, and you were just the scapegoat.

I asked John Daly, my friend, author and etiquette coach, how to handle “snark attacks.” Here’s what he advised:

1. Don’t lose your cool and don’t take it personally.

2. At the first occurrence, give the benefit of the doubt – try to cheer the person up or be a good listener.

3. Focus on the person's behavior, not the person.

4. Take it away from others; suggest grabbing a cup of coffee to discuss the issue privately to clear the air. If the person refuses to take it away from others, say, “I can see how frustrated you are. Would you be willing to speak to me about it so I know how better to fulfill your expectations?” When you give angry people empathy, you take away their armor. You infer that their rude behavior is not who they truly are.

Turning the situation away from yourself and focusing on the other person’s snarky behavior is always the best bet to soothing your hurt feelings and resolving any current or future snark attacks from that person!

Til Next Time,

Carol