Is love enough to sustain a relationship? After 40 years of marriage, I will admit that it isn't. Every relationship goes through cycles and changes. Even the strongest of relationships require work. And, if you delude yourself into thinking otherwise, be forewarned. However, it can be happily ever after if you both make the effort. If you are at the beginning of a relationship, let me put up a few red flags for you.
Friendship
If you aren't in a relationship with your best friend, or don't even really like your partner, you're in trouble. A relationship based on lust alone is doomed to failure. After the bloom fades from the roses, so to speak, every plant needs healthy roots to be sustained. Having similar likes and dislikes, enjoying the same free-time activities and just wanting to "hang out" together are critical elements of a good friendship. If you don't have them in the beginning, they won't evolve eventually.
Co-Dependency
Don't look to your partner to "complete" you. It definitely will strain the relationship. If you expect too much from your partner or he of you, the relationship becomes stifling. You should feel amazing just as you are. You definitely should feel better about yourself when you are with that person, but your happiness should never solely depend upon that person. If it does, it's wrong.
Grudges
Don't hold grudges. The past is the past. If something is eating away at you, sit down and talk it out. Then, let it go. There is nothing worse than those arguments where you throw a zinger from the past into your partner's face. It makes for a hurtful, lasting wound that heals slowly, if ever. If your partner holds on to grudges and regularly beats you up with them, run!
Compassion
If your partner doesn't appear capable of feeling empathy for you in troubled times, start questioning how that will unfold the longer you stay together. A person who has no sympathy for the way you feel will be difficult to accept in the long run. Learning to help each other through the hard times is the sign of a truly good relationship. Those who can't are most likely to "cut and run" when the going gets tough.
Expressions of Love
People express their feelings in a number of ways. Some are very verbal and physical. They say "I love you" often and display affection through hugs and kisses. Others show it by being by your side, showing that compassion or showing you a good time. If your partner doesn't express his or her feelings in the beginning, don't expect that to happen "some day." Start looking for someone who makes you feel loved and appreciated elsewhere. (After you've broken it off with your current partner, of course.)
These are just a few measures of how we should show our love for each other. If you want a relationship that lasts a lifetime, use these 5 guidelines as a basic measure. Love is paramount, but how we treat each other is critical in any relationship.
Til Next Time,
Carol
Friendship
If you aren't in a relationship with your best friend, or don't even really like your partner, you're in trouble. A relationship based on lust alone is doomed to failure. After the bloom fades from the roses, so to speak, every plant needs healthy roots to be sustained. Having similar likes and dislikes, enjoying the same free-time activities and just wanting to "hang out" together are critical elements of a good friendship. If you don't have them in the beginning, they won't evolve eventually.
Co-Dependency
Don't look to your partner to "complete" you. It definitely will strain the relationship. If you expect too much from your partner or he of you, the relationship becomes stifling. You should feel amazing just as you are. You definitely should feel better about yourself when you are with that person, but your happiness should never solely depend upon that person. If it does, it's wrong.
Grudges
Don't hold grudges. The past is the past. If something is eating away at you, sit down and talk it out. Then, let it go. There is nothing worse than those arguments where you throw a zinger from the past into your partner's face. It makes for a hurtful, lasting wound that heals slowly, if ever. If your partner holds on to grudges and regularly beats you up with them, run!
Compassion
If your partner doesn't appear capable of feeling empathy for you in troubled times, start questioning how that will unfold the longer you stay together. A person who has no sympathy for the way you feel will be difficult to accept in the long run. Learning to help each other through the hard times is the sign of a truly good relationship. Those who can't are most likely to "cut and run" when the going gets tough.
Expressions of Love
People express their feelings in a number of ways. Some are very verbal and physical. They say "I love you" often and display affection through hugs and kisses. Others show it by being by your side, showing that compassion or showing you a good time. If your partner doesn't express his or her feelings in the beginning, don't expect that to happen "some day." Start looking for someone who makes you feel loved and appreciated elsewhere. (After you've broken it off with your current partner, of course.)
These are just a few measures of how we should show our love for each other. If you want a relationship that lasts a lifetime, use these 5 guidelines as a basic measure. Love is paramount, but how we treat each other is critical in any relationship.
Til Next Time,
Carol
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