Carol F. McKibben
  • Home
  • About Carol
    • Services >
      • Clients
      • Testimonials
    • Contact
  • Books
    • Luke's Tale
    • Snow Blood: Season 1
    • Snow Blood: A Vampire Mystery Thriller - Season 2
    • Snow Blood: A Vampire Mystery Thriller - Season 3
    • Snow Blood: Season 4 (A Vampire Mystery Thriller)
    • Snow Blood: Season 5 (A Vampire Mystery Thriller)
    • Kane: The First Blood Son
    • Moon Blood: Book 1
    • Moon Blood Book 2
    • Moon Blood Book 3
    • Moon Blood Book 4
    • Moon Blood Book 5
    • Reign - The Assault of Lucifer Morningstar - Book 1 Silver Blood Knight Series
    • Riding Through It
    • Media Kits
  • Free eBook
  • Blog

Riding Through It

There's an expression that horse trainers use whenever a client's ride becomes difficult - "Keep riding through it." I've heard it at least a hundred times while riding my horse. It's a function of good horsemanship. If you give up or get off in the midst of difficulties, you might win the battle that day but lose the war in the long run. Learning to be really good at something takes persistence and time. Such it is with life; so it is with writing.

My Books

 When Are White Lies Acceptable?

7/21/2015

0 Comments

 
My friend and associate John Daly published an article in Noozhawk recently that sparked quite a conversation on LinkedIn. Because it truly has a lot to do with relationships, I asked John if I might reprint it here. He has graciously consented.  I hope it provides you food for thought, and I hope you will weigh in with your opinions.

John wrote:

At the end of last year, I wrote a column about lying. In it, I touched upon “white lies.” Here’s what I wrote:

“We’ve all told white lies because brutal honesty might inflict pain or distress on another. For instance, Mary told Tim she couldn’t go out with him on Saturday night because she and her family were going out of town. You are Mary’s best friend and know it is because she doesn’t find Tim attractive and doesn’t want to date him.

“When Tim asks you if the reason is genuine, what do you say? Do you want to be brutally honest and tell Tim the truth or tell him you don’t know if it is genuine or not to spare Tim’s feelings? Perhaps in this instance it is better to be economical with the truth and just say you think Mary has other plans. This isn’t the complete truth, but you are sparing Tim’s feelings on something that won’t have a real impact on his future.

“However, this is one of those instances where you need to clearly think it through. Some would advise you to very gently let Tim know that Mary isn’t really interested in him rather than saying something that will make matters worse. While you never want to hurt someone, there may be a diplomatic solution in which you tell Tim the truth and let Mary know about the conversation. She will probably be grateful that you ended her white lie, and both parties can move on with their lives.”

                                                                 •        •        •

What I wrote may be well and good, but it’s been nagging at me since the beginning of the year. It’s not a complete answer. I may not have the answer in this column, but let’s look at some real-life situations in which telling white lies may be the kind thing to do.

» A relative bakes her chocolate chip cookies and brings them to every family special occasion. The cookies are terrible. But, the relative is so proud of her cookies that no one has the heart or the guts to tell her the truth. In this case, sparing the relative’s feelings is more important than telling the truth.

» A friend gets a terrible haircut. When you are asked what you think, rather than making your friend feel embarrassed or horrible about himself, you can say, “It’s a change! What do you think?” Or, you can simply say “I like really short hair.” Brutal honesty can be toxic. Never feel obligated to tell the whole truth when you know it will make someone ashamed of the way he or she looks.

» If you have done a huge favor for a friend or family member, and they thank you, rather than go into detail about the difficulties you had implementing the favor, simple say, “Oh, it was no trouble at all.” Telling the person how much they put you out will only worry and upset them. Why do that? It’s over and done with.

» When a child excitedly talks about Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, feel free to protect the child’s innocence and creative imagination by not fessing up that they don’t exist!

» It’s also OK to over-exaggerate when complimenting someone. For instance, I always told my mother that her macaroni and cheese was “the best in the world!” It was exceptional, but best in the world might have been only in my eyes. This is a mild false truth that makes it easier for people to get along and is basically harmless in most cases.

The major difference between a white lie and a hard lie is that a hard lie is said to protect oneself, whereas a little white lie is said to protect someone else.

Relationships can be complex and tricky at times. Sometimes a harmless, thoughtful pleasantry is just what the doctor ordered, especially when it saves others from minor hurt, shame or embarrassment.

Often times, some of us tell a white lie to protect ourselves or others from punishment or disapproval for a minor failing or blunder that hurts nobody. This is borderline but OK as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.

When White Are Lies Unacceptable White lies cross over into the dark side when we tell them to make us appear better than we really are or to protect some gain acquired previously for which we really aren’t entitled.

This happens at work often and falls under the category of taking credit for someone else’s hard work, getting a promotion because of it, and then making sure the originator of the work is either suppressed or eventually fired to cover up the lie.  This is no longer a white lie but rather a big, black one.

Lies that hurt someone else so that you can gain or that make others do something that would benefit you while harming themselves or causing themselves a loss never fall under the “white lie” scenario. Here we are into deceit, willful malice and sociopathic behavior!

It is not my purpose to give anyone a green light for telling lies. However, always weigh the harm that being brutally honest with someone will do to others. And avoid anything that can seriously damage another.

— John Daly is the founder and president of The Key Class, the go-to guide for good manners and job search success. He is the author of The Key Class - the Keys to Job Search Success.  Click to learn more about The Key Class, or to buy the book.  Follow John on Facebook and Twitter @johnjdalyjr. Do you have an etiquette question? ASK John at johnKeyClass@gmail.com.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Carol McKibben

    Archives

    March 2023
    January 2023
    October 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    Categories

    All
    Belief In Self
    How To Get What You Want
    How To Love Unconditionally
    Inspiration
    Just For Fun
    Moon Blood
    On Writing
    Snow Blood
    Things You Should Know About Luke's Tale
    Virtual Book Tour
    Words Of Wisdom
    Writing For A Living

    RSS Feed

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.