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A Grateful Attitude Brings Success

3/26/2015

We’ve all experienced it. After a dinner party, no note is sent. (Well, he was busy, and the dinner wasn’t that elaborate.) The solicitous e-mail gets no reply. (Again, he was busy, and didn’t feel like chatting.) A driver gives way to another at a place where there is no clear priority; the kindness isn't acknowledged. A person holds a door for a girl; she breezes on by with no word of thanks. On holiday, a couple gives the smallest and most worthless amount of money to those who have provided them services. The snotty teenager rails at the parent who scraped and saved for her.

The failure to give thanks beats at the heart of the sense of despair and gloom that is so pervasive in our society today. Much of what plagues us can be tracked back to ingratitude. So, how can an attitude of gratitude bring about change while being unthankful can carry lethal results?

Gratitude vs. Ingratitude

·       Grateful people believe they have more than they deserve, while ungrateful folks believe they deserve more than they have and that the world owes them.

·       A grateful person is loving and seeks to help others. An ungrateful person is bent on helping himself only, often willing to blame everyone else around him for his situation and sometimes prepared to get what he needs unlawfully or unethically.

·       A grateful person feels a sense of fulfillment. One filled with ingratitude has a sense of emptiness.

·       A thankful person is content. An ungrateful person is full of bitterness and discontent. Psychologists have reported that years of counseling with people who are chronically depressed, frustrated or emotionally unstable are those with little gratitude, regardless of the external circumstances that might appear to provide an explanation.

·       A person filled with ingratitude sets himself or herself up for disappointment when others fail to perform according to his or her expectations. But a thankful person has no room for self-destructive emotions.

You might have heard that one of the characteristics that we can change is our attitude. Being grateful or ungrateful is a choice. Seeing the glass half-full or half-empty is a choice. I learned a long time ago that I enjoyed life a whole lot better when I was thankful for what I had in my life. Rather than blame others, feel sorry for yourself or deciding to be disappointed with everything around you, change your attitude. Make a decision to be grateful for what you have. You’ll find that when you do, others will respect and like you better than someone who displays a selfish, uncaring attitude. Try it. You’ll see how success will find you if you do.

Til Next Time,

Carol

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Time in a Bottle

3/19/2015

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I lost one of my best friends last Saturday. His name is Binks, and he was eight years old. It has been a very, very hard week for me. All I can think of to say is to repeat the lyrics of Jim Croce's Time in a Bottle. This song expresses my thoughts better than I can.

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
'Til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

[Chorus]
But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

Til Next Time,
Carol

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How Do You Make Others Feel?

3/10/2015

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"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." — Maya Angelou

Have you ever considered how you make others feel? Would it surprise you if I told you that both what you say and how you say it truly impacts others? Did you know you can make or break another person’s day with what you say or how you behave with them?

Comments like, “Oh, you look tired,” or “Why did you do that?” never make people feel great about themselves. Asking rude, none-of their business questions or ignoring them when they are speaking to you is both demeaning and rude.

Think about how you would like to be spoken to. Would you prefer to get a smile and have others repeat to you what you’ve said? Wouldn’t it be nice to get help when you need it? How about if you thought before you spoke and focused on the positives instead of the negatives? If you follow these simple techniques, you’ll always be thought of a considerate person who makes others feel great about themselves when they are around you.

Other Ways to Make Others Feel Good About Themselves
Dale Partridge of The Daily Positive offers five ways to make the people around you feel great. Consider how you would respond when you get this kind of treatment from others. And, if you like it, try behaving in kind yourself.

·       Put Your Stuff Away — Never have your phone or computer out during a conversation with another.

·       Use a Person’s Name in Conversation — So, when you are introduced to someone, remember his or her name.

·       Ask the Other Person to Teach you Something — Everyone has something to offer. It is a way to help them shine.

·       Really be Interested — Lean in, keep eye contact, and listen way more than you talk.

·       Shine the Spotlight on Them — In group settings, share someone’s talent, a good story
about them, or what you like about them.

Yes, this is all basic polite behavior, but so many people don’t consider how they make others feel by what they say and how they act. And yes, this is all about that unconditional love thing that I keep talking about.

Til Next Time,
Carol

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The Likability Factor, and How You Can Improve Yours

3/3/2015

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My long-time friend and client, John Daly, wrote this article recently. I was thinking about what makes people likable. Granted, just looking at the puppy above moves me to want to reach out and hug him. But what characteristics in human beings make me feel the same way? John's article sheds light on this subject, and I wanted to share it with you.

I read with interest a recent article by Bruce Kasanoff, who writes for entrepreneurs. He says that the most attractive quality a person can possess is to be utterly comfortable with who they are. So, if you want people to like you, be 100 percent comfortable in your own skin. He says this quality transcends physical appearance, intelligence, education, income or personality and that it is the cornerstone of success in business and in life.

Because (Kasanoff says) that a person’s internal comfort level is not fixed, you can change it. To do that, he says, you must do three things.

1. Accept the qualities you cannot change. Kasanoff warns not to waste energy on things such as how your parents raised you or whether you are too short.

2. Recognize your ability to change is far greater than you once thought. You can’t change your height, but you can change how hard you work, how grateful you are for your blessings, how open you are to new ideas, how you approach difficult challenges, and how willing you are to pay the price for what you most want in life.

3. Be persistent. Kasanoff warns that it takes time to build confidence and competence, and suggests investing the time, even on days when you feel as though you are sliding backward.

But in addition to not being insecure, I want to take this further. You can build your likability by:

» Being considerate of others. When you think about the comfort of others first, you’re going to appear very likable in their eyes.

» Being grateful for what you have. Being grateful translates to happiness, and a happy person is more prone to be likable than a complainer.

» Maintaining a positive attitude. Positive people boost the mood of others around them. In return, people love to hang around people with positive energy. Negativity abounds in our world — in the news, in social media and from others. Being positive will make you a pleasure to talk to and more people will want to talk to you.

» Staying genuine. Likable people never try to be something they aren’t. They admit when they don’t know something or if they make a mistake. If they don’t agree with someone else’s statement, they are quick to admit that they don’t see the issue in the same way, and they do so without making the other person feel badly about himself or herself.

» Not judging. When you are judgmental, people can sense it. Even if you smile and hide your negative feelings, the people around you can sense that you have just formed a poor opinion of them. Rather than seeing others as good or bad, try to understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, choices, and mistakes. Likable people make this their philosophy and, as long as no one is getting hurt, they never pass judgment on the value or morality of another person.

» Not competing. Likable people never one-up in a conversation. Instead, they view conversations as an opportunity to connect and create deep relationships with others. If you want to be more likable, enter every conversation with the goal to make the other person feel liked and respected. This will change the tone of the interactions you have, and make everyone involved more likely to enjoy it.

» Providing value. When someone complains about a situation, don’t go along with it and talk about some awful situation of your own. Recognize that the other person has a problem that needs solving. People everywhere have problems they wouldn’t mind help solving. But as people, we tend to be self-involved and not notice. If you take notice and help people solve their problems, you’ll create friends for life.

» Touching others. Don’t be afraid to pat someone on the shoulder, shake hands or, depending upon the situation, hug others. It will make others more comfortable around you. Touching eliminates the physical barrier of distance and eliminates the emotional barrier that the distance represents. It may seem awkward at first, but practice it. Others will respond in a positive manner.

» Developing deep conversations. Small talk doesn’t develop long-lasting friendships or make you more likable. Show a genuine interest in others, ask honest questions to help further your understanding of them and relate to what they’ve told you. Don’t settle for small talk. Move the conversation forward to more personal subjects.

Think back to the last time you interacted with a really likable person. What did that person say or do that made you warm to him or her? Remember, at some point, most likable people decided to work at becoming more engaged, more respectful and more likable. Now they seem to work magic and develop friendships wherever they go.

You can seem like that, too! Just develop the habits above.

— John Daly is the founder and president of The Key Class, the go-to guide for job search success. Click here to learn more about The Key Class or to get his book. If you have questions about business or social etiquette, just ask John at j ohnkeyclass@gmail.com. Connect with The Key Class on Facebook. Follow John Daly on Twitter: @johndalyjr.

Til Next Time,
Carol

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Riding Through It

A Grateful Attitude Brings Success

Time in a Bottle

How Do You Make Others Feel?

The Likability Factor, and How You Can Improve Yours

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