What, if anything, really bugs you about your significant other? Come on now. Don’t tell me that he or she is perfect. No one is, you know. Oh, we all go through that rose-colored-glasses faze where the love of your life can do no wrong, is so perfect for you – can’t live without, you know.

But then, time goes by. You start to notice the “little things.” You can live with them, but at times they get your attention.

More time goes by. The “little things” start to annoy you. Do you sit down and discuss them with your person? Or do you let them simmer, just underneath the surface until they explode like a volcano?

Does your person change through time? Do the bad habits outweigh the good ones? Do you discuss them at that point, or just have out-and-out arguments, sometimes about those bad habits but mostly about the incidents created by the bad habits.

Now remember, your person is going through the same process with you. You now have little things that have become big things.

Will you ever sit down, discuss them and work them out? Or, will you do what 46 percent of Americans do and leave?

So, really think about what tests your love with your person, sit down with them and try to work it out. If you married your person, you promised for “better or for worse.” So, make it your intention to make “the worse” better.

Til next time.
Carol

W. T. "Bill" McKibben, the Ethics Guru, sent me a piece he had written this morning. I thought it so valuable that I wanted to share it with you. Let me know what you think.

Years ago, when I was running the WBEN Stations (before most of you were born), I was making my way across Hertel Avenue on my five- minute commute from Depew Avenue to Elmwood in Buffalo, New York, when some "STUPID IDIOT" cut me off. Fuming mad, I uttered a series of fitting remarks.

Serendipitously, a couple blocks later legendary WBEN radio morning man Clint Buehlman told a similar story. Then he said, "I almost let that guy ruin my day. Then I thought, maybe he didn't even know what he did. Even if he did it on purpose why should I have a bad day? Brush it off, don't let someone else ruin your day. That's my thought for the day."

I thanked Buehly for saving my day, and I think of him every time his wisdom allows me to keep control of my day.

As usual, Seth Godin (a Buffalo expat) makes this point so well. http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2013/10/does-anger-follow-the-laws-of-thermodynamics.html

Words of wisdom, wouldn't you agree?
Til next time,
Carol

Mark and I have been married for 39 years. It's been filled with ups and downs that have always been fortified by love. Real love. Unconditional love.

That was put the test this year. You see, our children are grown, and our dogs and my horses have been our "babies" for about 20 years. It has just been us at home alone with our pups and the wonderful visits from our children and grandchildren.

But, this year we had to face something that a lot of folks our age have to confront. Mark's mother is nearing 85. She had a stroke, and it left her definitely functional but unable to really live alone any longer. Mark came to me with more of a statement than a question. "I think we need to bring Mom home to live with us."

Like most selfish, self-absorbed writers, my immediate reaction was not positive. Did this mean I had to give up all my spare time (like there is any) to be a caregiver? How would I cope with another woman living in my home 24/7? Mark's mother and I had never been the closest of friends. How would that play out? But then, I thought about it. If this were my mother, Mark wouldn't even hesitate. He would move her in immediately. And then it struck me. When you married this man, it was in sickness and health, richer or poorer and whatever else comes with it. It was time to step up to the plate, unconditionally.

So, I took a step back, took a deep breath and gave my unconditional support.

How has it worked out? We're six months into it, and we've made it work. That's what we do when we love another person unconditionally. We support their needs and don't go screaming the other way when life takes a turn and things change.

So, the next time life takes a turn for you and changes your comfortable circumstances, think about how you should be supporting those you love, and those they love - AKA being unselfish.

Til next time,
Carol

Best-selling author Jonathan Gunson sent me that question this morning. He wrote:

"Think about it.  Do you write for money?  For fame?  Maybe you have something vital to say, or is your writing simply an inexplicable obsession?  

"The answer to this question, the WHY that lies beneath our writing, holds so much intrigue that I (Jonathan)  ran a poll on Facebook and Twitter asking authors the same simple question, Why do you write?”

My response: "I write because I have to. Because I love it. It is liberating and exhilarating and lets me pour out all the "stories" that have built up in me over many years. For a long time, I didn't have the luxury. Thanks to a wonderful husband and some pretty great clients who let me work from home and schedule my own time, I do have that luxury now. And, if I could pick anything else to do, I wouldn't! This is it."

There were over 100 responses to Jonathan's survey.  Many of them were highly revealing, so Jonathan listed some of them for me.  He urged me and others to share, so click here to read them!

And, while you are at it, please tell me why YOU write.  Leave me a comment. Jonathan and I are interested to know your thoughts, even if it is simply an ‘inexplicable obsession’.

Til next time!
Carol

Tom Clancy died yesterday (October 1, 2013). His complex, adrenaline-fueled military novels made him one of the world’s best-selling authors. I was a fan. From his debut novel, The Hunt for Red October, to his last published novel, Threat Vector, he invented the true espionage thrilled loaded with technical details about weaponry, submarines and intelligence agencies. And, the details about Soviet submarines, weaponry, satellites and fighter planes created questions from high-ranking members of the military wondering if he had inside knowledge. When he met Navy Secretary John Lehman in 1985, he was asked who had cleared him for access!

Clancy always insisted that no one had ever given him inside knowledge but that his insight was taken from technical manuals, books on military matters and interviews with submarine experts. Yes, he visited military leaders but never asked for classified information. This was a writer whose work was rooted in astute research. Not able to join the military as he had wished because of poor eyesight, he was self-taught.

Clancy’s books attracted Hollywood and became blockbusters. Some were turned into video games that were so realistic that the military licensed them for training purposes.

Was he an overnight sensation? No way. He sold insurance until he sold The Hunt for Red October for only $5,000 to the Naval Institute Press in Annapolis. And, his editor there had a hard time persuading her boss to read it. He was an unknown, you know. Because it had so many technical details, she had him cut it – which he did to the tune of 100 pages. In addition to his precise detail, Clancy’s storytelling ability and the sharp wit of his characters’ dialogue made everyone sit up and take notice. It became a huge best-seller. And, he was off to the races.

Did writing come easy to him? Does it come easy to anyone? He once said: “You learn to write the same way you learn to play golf. You do it, and keep doing it until you get it right. A lot of people think something mystical happens to you, that maybe the muse kisses you on the ear. But writing isn’t divinely inspired — it’s hard work.”

And there you have it, my friends. Writing is a labor of love. One that must be practiced over and over. It reminds me of working to maintain a relationship. It doesn’t just happen. It is created and nurtured.

Rest well, Mr. Clancy. You are one of the greats.

Til next time.

Carol