Carol F. McKibben
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Riding Through It

There's an expression that horse trainers use whenever a client's ride becomes difficult - "Keep riding through it." I've heard it at least a hundred times while riding my horse. It's a function of good horsemanship. If you give up or get off in the midst of difficulties, you might win the battle that day but lose the war in the long run. Learning to be really good at something takes persistence and time. Such it is with life; so it is with writing.

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Inspiration - Where to Find It

12/4/2013

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I sat in the hushed auditorium in Houston, Texas, with several thousand others and watched the robust face and sparkling, bespectacled eyes of Ray Bradbury as he surveyed the room. I felt an immense amount of pride that I had been able to snare him for the annual conference that I directed and managed. Everyone around me was enraptured. How could they not be?

A graveled voice rang out from the podium as Bradbury posed the question. “How do I find my inspiration? Look around you. All of you inspire me.” Audience members leaned forward in anticipation.

In a career spanning more than seventy years, Ray Bradbury inspired generations of readers to dream, think, and create. A prolific author of hundreds of short stories and close to fifty books, as well as numerous poems, essays, operas, plays, teleplays, and screenplays, Bradbury was one of the most celebrated writers of our time.

“It's lack that gives us inspiration," he said. "It's not fullness. Not ever having driven a car, I can write better about automobiles than the people who drive them. Space travel is another good example. I'm never going to go to Mars but I've helped inspire, thank goodness, the people who built the rockets and sent our photographic equipment off to Mars. So it's always a lack that causes you to write that type of story."

Again he swiveled his head and surveyed the audience. “Inspiration and creativity come from every day things,” he said. He admitted that his famous Fahrenheit 451 was inspired during the McCarthy era when everyone was paranoid. He was stopped on the street in Los Angeles by a policeman for no reason and asked why he was there. That incident and the advent of television and his concern about censorship moved him to write a novel about books being outlawed and burned in the future.

In fact, most, if not all, of his stories were inspired by past occurrences in his life. Some more obvious, others more subtle.  But, the bottom line for inspiration for anything that you do, he encouraged, is simply this: “Love what you do, and do what you love. Don’t listen to anyone else who tells you not to do it. Imagination should be the center of your life.”

Til next time!
Carol


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Are You Sending the Wrong Message?

7/24/2013

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Do you ever get confusing email or text messages? I do. All the time. Which necessitates that I send a response asking for clarification. Sometimes the reply is clear to me. Sometimes it isn't. So, I spend more time trying to get at the root of what the person wants.

That's particularly bad since we live in the digital era. I can't remember the last time I actually got a hard copy letter through the mail. All that means is that most of our written communication today is through email and text.

Unfortunately, I can not see your face or hear your tone of voice when you send an email or text to me. Just this morning I received an email with a tone that implied the sender was aggravated with me. I quickly sent a response to apologize for any wrong-doing. The reply that came later explained that everything was fine with me but that she was just very busy and having a tough morning. If we funnel our bad moods, frustration and rush-rush work style into most of our correspondence imagine the damage we're doing to our reputations.

With that in mind, here's some advice that might help.
  • Slow down.Don't be in such a rush to crank out your work quickly.
  • When you are writing emails and texts, think through what you are going to say before you write it.
  • Re-read what you've written for typos and tone of voice. Do you come off angry? If you do, back up and start over.
  • Keep your writing simple. Don't write long, convoluted, run-on sentences with tons of commas and semicolons. Keep your sentences short and to the point.
  • Don't ask for responses to more than three items in one message.
  • Be considerate of the feelings of the person to whom you are addressing your message. In other words, be polite. Even if you have to deliver bad news, do it in a gentle, respectful way.
  • Think about the fact that the world doesn't evolve around you alone. You can get what  you want without being rude.

We're all guilty of sending the wrong messages about ourselves. It's mostly through thoughtlessness.

Action Item:
Think about this before you write you next message.

Til next time!
Carol

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Why Do We Hide the Truth?

5/8/2013

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Why do people lie? Not the white lies…you know, the ones to get out of something you don’t want to do. But the truly large, hurtful ones.

Is it because the person lying doesn’t like the truth, for whatever reason? It’s hard to accept that people lie just for the fun of it. Even if that’s what they think, there is usually a deeper problem. Some people lie because they are ashamed of the truth and think that living a lie will help them get ahead or gain whatever they want, even if it’s the love and respect of others.

In other cases, lies are told in order to avoid hurting anyone with the truth. One person confessed to me that he lied to protect others because he didn’t want them to be concerned with his problems. He even went as far as to admit that he hurt and didn’t want people to know.

Another person explained that she liked to cover up what she really thought because she felt people don’t really want to know the truth. Most times, truth does hurt. It is often uncomfortable. That’s why it’s frequently avoided. It’s the old, “Do I look fat in these pants” syndrome. Will your better half tell you that you don’t look fat because he loves you and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings? If he does tell you the truth, will you be angry and upset? And does that address a deeper problem?

A friend of mine privately told me that her husband lied to keep from being judged. He told everyone he knew that they owned his home, even though it is really a rental. He lied because he was embarrassed that he wasn’t further ahead in reaching his financial goals.

In Luke’s Tale, Sara lies because she wants to protect Ashlundt from the pain and suffering of her illness. She knows him and understands that his love comes with conditions. He needs those he loves to be healthy and happy, and, if they aren’t, he’s thrown into the throes of depression that stems back to the death of a younger brother.

So my question to you is this: do you feel that it is all right to lie to protect those you love from hurt and pain? Or, is the truth always better?

Tell me what you think. I really would like to know.

Until next time,

Carol


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How to be Successful with Kindness

4/10/2013

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My good friend and client, John Daly, published a blog about kindness this past Monday. I liked it so much that, with his permission, I wanted to share it with you. It goes to the heart of unconditional love for me. Being kind in this world will make all the difference in how others will treat you going forward. Read John's blog, and tell me what you think.

A Prerequisite Quality for Success
You wouldn’t think that kindness would have a lot to do with success. But, one of the most successful and beloved film critics of our time believed it was an essential part of his world, and his success. We lost Roger Ebert last week, but his words really resonated when I read them today. They got me to thinking that, in the long run, it’s the good guys who finish on top, contrary to the belief of some.

In simple form, kindness is the quality of being warmhearted and considerate and humane and sympathetic. It is the tendency to be forgiving. The question has been posed: Is kindness a quality or an ability? I think it can be both. Some people are just born with an inner quality of kindness. Others of us develop it through effort.

Why do I believe that kindness is a prerequisite to success? Kindness and likability go hand-in-hand. And, people are drawn to those qualities. I can name hundreds of likable, kind people who are huge successes – Oprah, Tom Hanks, JK Rowling, Justin Timberlake. If you do a search on the Internet and type in “famous kind people,” those are a few of the names that pop up. These people are loved and admired the world over. Are supposedly rude celebrities successful? Many are…but would you rather be loved or be the object of amusement because of your rude behavior?

The majority of us are drawn to those who are kind. But why? Let’s look at the qualities of kind/likable people.

- They maintain a positive, upbeat attitude.
- They listen, actively.
- They are fun to be around and have a sense of humor.
- They are friendly and carry a warm smile for everyone!
- They admit mistakes and apologize sincerely.
- They take a genuine interest in others.
- They are authentic.
- They have the ability to make those around them feel better about themselves when they are with them! (It is widely rumored that President Bill Clinton has such a quality.)
- They respect others through their gestures, body language, words and responses, and consideration of others.
- They show concern for the comfort and need of others.
- They give their time freely and don’t rush anyone when spending time with them.

If it is important to you to draw people to you, and you weren’t one of the lucky ones born with inner kindness, draw upon the list above to develop it through effort. If you do, you will notice a difference in the people around you and how they respond to you. Put these qualities into your job search success toolkit and put them to work on your way to success! Watch the video below for an idea of where you can start to develop your kindness qualities.

To learn more about John Daly, President of The Key Class, and all the good work he is doing in the world, visit www.thekeyclass.com.



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Fuel the Passion in You

4/3/2013

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I attended the launch event for Authors Tour USA last Saturday at Webster’s Fine Stationary and Book Store in Pasadena, California. I am proud to be among the authors that represented us that day. Two spoke about writing screen plays, one about her book on self-defense for women and another about birthing her first novel, finally, after 17 years of drafting, writing and re-writing.

But what was notable about all of them was the passion with which they spoke about their work. It was obvious that even though they are now published authors, they don’t write for the money. They do it because it’s their passion.

And this leads me to the questions: What’s your passion? What are you doing to fuel that passion? Are you working on it every day?

No matter if you want to excel as an athlete, an artist, a scientist, as a business entreprenuer or, yes, even a writer, it’s up to you to make it happen. The power is in you. It won’t come from anyone else.

“Anything in life worth having is worth working for.” –Andrew Carnegie

Yes, it’s going to be a lot of work. And, when you get good at it, it’s going to be even more work…but, by then, you won’t care, because the passion will have consumed you. All you have to do is fuel it. Work hard, read everything that you can about that for which you strive, participate in your passion, surround yourself with people of like-minded goals, encourage others, and they will encourage you!

Don’t let a sense of entitlement let you sit back and wait for it to come to you. It won’t. Your life will be what you make it. You can choose to walk through life as it comes, or you can go out and grab hold of it and make it your own! Fuel your passion and experience every moment to the fullest (AKA - how to get what you want)!

Until next time,

Carol


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